The Hound of Heaven

You know with all the struggles that we have had with our daughter's rebellion & getting involved with drugs and basically just running from God, I was reminded of His unfailing Love towards me 30 plus years ago.

Here's my story~

As a child I attended church with my mama. As a preteen with my Meemaw Boykin, and later as a teenager with my Daddy.
At the age of eighteen I was "convicted" of sin and went to church to "get saved". I was raised a Baptist and that's where you go when you want to get saved. I went alone that day because I felt such shame at the life that I was living. And, I didn't want to go to hell! I listened to Brother Gene's message, of the saving "grace" of Jesus Christ and waited for "the call" to accept Christ as my saviour. I had some WILD ideas about God back then. I thought that when I accepted Christ as my saviour that God would somehow just "wave" His magic God wand and that I would stop sinning! Stop laughing........ I really thought that! I AM BLOND! Okay?
I had no earthly idea what GRACE was, or what grace did. I just knew that it was a "church word", and that you needed it to get saved, period. And, that I must have it or I wouldn't have gotten "saved". I think that I believed that being "born again" meant that getting "saved" I would somehow be miraculously transformed into a "mature child of God" that did not sin. Boy, was I WRONG!
Instead, I was born a babe in Christ without a clue. Consequently, the first time that I sinned after my "salvation experience" (conviction), I felt condemned and defeated. Of course, I searched the scriptures to find out what to do next! And, not knowing any better, I found Hebrews 6:4 and thought that it was written just for me, and that it meant that "I was done for". There was no way that Holy God was going to "save" a person like me who could not stop sinning. I was toast! I condemned myself to a worldly purgatory, where I lived in a world that I did not feel a part of, yet because I was so deceived, I didn't believe that God could EVER take me back. Heaven was just somewhere that SUCCESSFUL "non-sinning" Christians got to go and have eternal life. I believed that I had committed the "unforgiveable sin" of the Bible, and that Hebrews 6:4 proved it. I was just a sinner, and done for.
For the next nine years I wandered in the dessert. I will spare you the sordid details. But, I was just trying to make the best of a "bad" situation. And, I still desired a relationship with God. I just didn't know how to get there being a sinner and all. Walking the aisle at church hadn't worked as well as I thought it would. But, I faithfully prayed "the child's prayer" every single night before I went to sleep, convinced that He could hear me and that maybe it would buy me some time until I could get "it" right, and be "good". It was the only prayer that I knew....and the last thing that I would say to God, before I said Amen, was this, "God, please don't let me die tonight because I know if I do that I am going to hell and I won't be with you." I was begging for mercy! And, when I read the Bible, nothing "clicked". I was still trying to live "under the law" of Moses, and failing miserably. I had read all the do's and don'ts of the law and the penalties of breaking just one law and saw Deuteronomy 28:15 as proof of "the curse" that I was living out. But, I hadn't given up hope of finding a "loop hole" to salvation.
But, God had "other" plans for me.
Early one morning I sat up in bed with a start! I had HEARD a loud loving, "Come!", just before awakening. And, I KNEW that it was HIM! And, I prayed, "God, I can't do this on my own in Cheyenne. There is just WAY too much temptation here. But, if you will just get me back to Texas, I can do this and I promise I will never leave you again. I will serve you and I won't mess up again!" I still thought that it was up to me, to "be good".
I eventually did get back to Texas. But, before I did, every single time that I started to "knowingly" sin, I would remember the promise that I had made to God and plead, "You gotta get me outta here!", in defeat.
After returning to Texas, I began to workout my plan to keep my promise to God. I went to school to become a nurse and I went to "church" to become a christian. That didn't work out too good for me though. I submersed myself in reading the Bible, joined every group in church that I was asked to, joined the praise team, went to every woman's conference that I was able to and then after a few years became reaquainted with a wonderfully kind man that I had known years before. After a short courtship, and some church recommended premarital counseling with a "church elder", we were married by a justice of the peace. We weren't permitted to be married in "the church" building. That wasn't "allowed", because we had both been previously married. There are sooo many other things about doctrines that I could write about right now that would explain to you why my thinking process was so messed up, but if you would just go back and read these last three paragraphs again, I think that you might figure it out for yourself, but I will save you the trouble. I was STILL trying to perform the WORKS of the law of Moses! And, ALL the while saying, "Grace, grace!" That is what I learned in "church". That is what so many people in the world see in the church, and it looks schizophrenic! It is definitely doubleminded, and the scriptures say that a doubleminded man is unstable in all his ways! I was supposed to be "born again", but I constantly struggled with doubt & disbelief! My doubt and disbelief were directly related to my salvation! I was still trying to work my way to Heaven by "being good" and going to church, but always feeling like a second class citizen. Because in comparing myself to other christians I just didn't look christian enough. I didn't have enough "name it and claim it" faith. I wasn't pure enough in my thought life and I thought, "Is THIS all there is?" Is this the best that I'm ever going to be? I took it as my cross to bear and said, "Well, fine!"
I continued on in the "church" world for some years, faithfully attending church but in my thought life I still longed for something more. Then, one day my friend Sharon came to visit and left a ministry tape with me on "the message of the cross". She had been telling me about "the grace message" for several years, but I had never bothered to pay much attention, because I thought that I had grace already. But, I didn't even understand what grace was! And, then one day while painting the baseboards of my house I thought, "Hey, now would be a good time to listen to that teaching tape that Sharon left." So, I put the tape in my player and began to listen to the teaching on what took place at the cross. I was painting right along, listening to the words of the teacher and then, I heard something that I had never heard before. I backed up the tape and began to listen again. My heart rate began to increase as I began to get excited. I hit rewind again and listened. I grabbed my Bible and opened THE WORD to the scriptures that he was referring to and not only HEARD the words, I SAW the words IT IS FINISHED! I began to cry tears of joy. I was literally UNDONE at the REVELATION of Christ's sacrifice BEING THE COMPLETED WORKS of my salvation BY GRACE THROUGH FAITH. I WAS DONE!!!! But, In a good way. I didn't have to try to be good anymore, because the Grace of God had SAVED me through faith! I had believed in the death, burial & resurrection of Christ, I had been denying the power of God to change ME! But, when I HEARD it is FINISHED in my spirit and understood by the revelation grace of God through faith, I GOT IT! HE DID IT, HE FINISHED THE WORK OF THE CROSS and I entered into His rest. Amazing!

I once heard someone refer to the Holy Spirit as the "Hound of Heaven". I was somewhat offended at their reference to "My God", in dog terms. And, I never forgot that. But, I never understood it either, until yesterday!

It just occurred to me that "the Hound of Heaven" is a "BLOODHOUND"! On the trail of the blood of Christ!

When we come into the grace of God through faith in His blood sacrifice & resurrection from the dead and accept Him as saviour, then the next step in OUR resurrection Life is the new birth! That comes through that one baptism which immerses us spiritually in Christ & we are reborn. That Hound of Heaven that I NOW see is the work of the Holy Spirit! Grace operating in a believer's life! Grace is "divine influence in the heart of the believer that is reflected in our lives!" NEW LIFE!

If a believer has missed the mark, Our Father who loves us so much SENDS out the "bloodhound" to bring us back to that GRACE when we stray from the path of His righteous working through us. He is HOT on the trail of the believer with "conviction". He is sniffing out the Blood of Christ that has been applied to our lives through the cross, and He HOUNDS with conviction to repentance & NEW LIFE through Grace! Wow I just had to share that with you because I JUST GOT IT!!!

Sweet conviction from the Lord...NOTHING sweeter than to SEE His love for us through grace.....WOW! That much fuss made over us! He goes after the one....

Now you know why my heart is encouraged in reference to our daughter. He reminded me of His long suffering towards me to bring me to UNDERSTANDING of His GRACE. And, that gives me HOPE because He goes after the one and our daughter is one on His HIT LIST!!! The Hound of Heaven is on a blood trail......Glory Be To God!!!! YOU ROCK, LORD! ♥