It looks a lot like love

It's been close to 3 1/2 years since my last blog post. My life has been busy, too busy for anyone's good. Especially mine.
I left social media almost two years ago. I posted that I was leaving. If you know me casually or even well, you know that I don't do drama. Drama=doesn't really amount ta much anyway. But, it can cause people a lot of stress. One of my biggest complaints regarding social media, or blogging for that matter, is people who think that they've got all the answers to life's questions. None of us have ALL the answers. And, those of you who think you do are pretty annoying to those of us who have most of them. (tongue in cheek with sheepish grin) LIGHTEN UP! You can't see my face nor hear the tone of my voice. You can only see what I allow you to see. This can be problematic when blogging.

Readers can't really tell if you're happy, sad, mad, melancholy, angry or what. Well, I am going to show you gratitude in word pictures.

Gratitude is spending three hours on the phone catching up with an old friend that you haven't spoken to in years. Gratitude is sending a card to let someone know that you are thinking of them, or hand writing an eight page letter to an elderly person, that can be read over and over through tired cataract clouded eyes, validating their life's journey through the words on a page of memories.

Gratitude is sharing a simple meal with a neighbor and conversing about the day's events. Gratitude is sharing the last bite of your sandwich with the little dog who loves you, or feeding and petting the neighborhood cat that begs at your door.

Gratitude is having a drink with a lonely old man and touching his hand gently as he reminisces with tears in his eyes about the love that has gone on before him.
Gratitude is smiling at the stranger brave enough to make eye contact, that you pass in the hallway on your way to get the mail.

Gratitude is allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Sometimes gratitude is just listening, and sometimes it is just saying thank you. Gratitude sometimes just looks a lot like LOVE.

Thank you.

noun

1. 1. the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

      "she expressed her gratitude to the committee for their support"

   
   

Undone

Grief
Silence
Reflective
Anguish
Depression.... rewind

When you refuse to let go of things that are out of your control, fate bares the burden, and a heavy burden it becomes, crushing the emotions and making the heart sick. It is what it is.....

But, when the burden is layed at the foot of the cross in total abandonment with the confession "Lord,
I can't do this", you become keenly aware of the fraility of life and our inability to change even the smallest of circumstances without divine intervention.
Day by day...breath by breath.
His grace comes, and is supplied to us, even as healing waters of life for the parched soul. He opens doors for His mercies to bathe the wounded heart with resurrection life. He is faithful in all things pertaining to His children. His love, never ending.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Grief
Anguish
Regret
Confession
Surrender
Peace.......

His name is Love, Real Love, Eternal Love








A man is not old until his DREAMS are replaced by regrets.

The Faithfulness of God

Listening to a video brought back such painful, agonizing memories of the years of doubt and disbelief that I suffered as a "Christian" in the organized church.  Every time there was a prayer line, I was in it.  Again, asking for prayer for this doubt and disbelief that I was burdened with.  The deliverance ministers tried to "cast it out".  The women tried to "love and encourage" it out.  My husband spoke the word of God over me and prayed for me, and I still struggled.  The struggle was real.  The struggle was painful, and agonizing.
You see there was a battle going on in my soul.  In my mind I would cry out to God for deliverance, or what I had been taught that deliverance was, and nothing changed.  I thought that God would just wave His magic God wand and miraculously heal me of this "spiritual disease", that was eating away at me like a cancer.  How could I say that I was even saved! With so much doubt about who I was, or what I was...  I thought maybe that if I confessed it enough, it would be true.  But, I was a doubtful disbelieving liar.
When I 'came into Christ', I was convicted of my sin.  I knew that I needed a saviour and I had heard how Jesus died on the cross in my place.  And, how I needed to confess my sins, and pray the sinners prayer, and pray everyday, and read my Bible everyday, and follow the Golden Rule, and keep The Ten Commandments, and go to church on Sunday, and tithe my ten percent to God, and not drink, smoke or cuss, and to remember that my body was the temple of the holy spirit and to keep it holy, and on and on and on....none of which I was able to do consistently.  So, in my failures, in the weakness of my flesh, I condemned myself and suffered faith crisis after faith crisis.  Because, I didn't HAVE the faith the size of a mustard seed that the Bible spoke about that could move mountains.  What I had was hope.  But, 'hope deferred makes the heart sick.' Proverbs 13:12
I agonized in faithlessness.  Just as this young man did.  I believed in God, I did not have faith to move the mountain of doubt.   I believed in God.  I believed that He heard me when I cried out to Him.  But, for some reason He did not answer my cries.   I thought that maybe because I was so lacking in His holiness, He did not answer.  Then, one day I reached my breaking point.   I cried out to Him in earnestness, and said, "Lord, I've done everything that I can think of to gain your favor.  I've prayed everyday.  I've asked, seeked, knocked, confessed, begged for your mercy, and still I am full of doubt.  I've helped in the church, worked in the nursery, cast out demons in your name, tithed my ten percent and then some.  And, still I suffer this agonizing doubt about being good enough to gain Your favor.  This is where I sit, and this is where I'm staying.  Either you fix what needs to be fixed in me, or I go no futher.   I KNOW that there is more to this life than what I am experiencing 'playing church'.  I have no where else to go, but to you.  Lord, Help me!  You are my only hope.  I am tired."  And, I sat.
The cry of my heart had been,  "I want ALL of you, Lord!  I don't want to be a mediocre Christian.  I don't want to just 'play church'.  I want more faith! I want to be pleasing to you, Lord."   I'm not moving from this place until you do something!"  I wanted my life in Him to be a witness and a testimony of His love for me. But, I was wearied in the doubt and disbelief that consumed me.  And, I sat.  And, waited.
It didn't happen over night.  It didn't even happen that year.
I think sometimes that we look at this word "faith" and are befuzzled by it.  You gotta have it, but how do you get it???  Especially when you are a babe in Christ, and new in the Lord.  But, there are people who have been "in Christ" for twenty years that have struggled with this word.   I was one of them!  I know what I'm talking about!  And, especially when you are exposed to all the "Christianese" jargon of the church.. We start throwing those words around, like redemption, faith, salvation, justification... thinking that we know what they mean. But, we don't have a clue!   Because, this understanding comes through experience.  We listen to others use these words.  But, we have no idea of the depth of their meaning.  And, we won't, until we experience first hand the FAITHFULNESS of God.
Back to my story...
I didn't leave organized religion.  I didn't leave the "church".  I didn't stop believing in God. I didn't do any of that.  I just resigned myself to the fact that there was more, and I didn't have it.  I still studied the word and read a lot of Christian self-help books, went to Bible studies, and prayed.  I tried to be a better person, a more loving wife and mother, more patient, more compassionate.  I volunteered at the food panty and the homeless shelter.  I sought out other ministries that were on the cutting edge of what 'I thought' God was doing in the earth, hoping that maybe by osmosis I would stumble across what I was longing for.  I got nothing of substance.  And, the years went by.
God never sleeps.
One day, I was 'sitting on the floor, painting base boards, listening to a taped message about the grace of God.  And, all of a sudden I heard, 'It is finished'.  Wait, WHAT??? I stopped the tape and backed it up, and listened again.  And, what I heard made my heart SOAR!!  It is finished.  IT is finished.  It IS finished.  IT IS FINISHED!!!!  For the first time, I SAW by FAITH- 'the finished work of the cross'.  There was a light that was shown in my understanding.  A light that had never been there before.  I knew immediately that this was that which I had prayed for, so many years before.  I jumped up and ran to get my Bible.   I read it right there, in black and white, and RED, "It is finished".
I HEARD by FAITH, that the work of the cross was a COMPLETED work.  God didn't need my help!  Jesus had COMPLETED ALL of the requirements of the law.  So WHY was I still trying to perform the works of the law?   Because I had not received FAITH.  2 Peter 1:3 says "His divine power has granted us EVERYTHING pertaining to life AND godliness, through the TRUE knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence." (my emphasis) I had HOPED in this for a very long time.  I had made my request known.  I wanted that peace!   But, doubt and disbelief plagued me, because I had not experienced His rest.
Hebrews  chaper 4, spells it out-
Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. 2 For we also have had the good news proclaimed to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because they did not share the faith of those who obeyed. 3 Now we who have believed enter that rest, just as God has said,
“So I declared on oath in my anger,
    ‘They shall never enter my rest.’”
And yet his works have been finished since the creation of the world. 4 For somewhere he has spoken about the seventh day in these words: “On the seventh day God rested from all his works.” 5 And again in the passage above he says, “They shall never enter my rest.”
6 Therefore since it still remains for some to enter that rest, and since those who formerly had the good news proclaimed to them did not go in because of their disobedience, 7 God again set a certain day, calling it “Today.” This he did when a long time later he spoke through David, as in the passage already quoted:
“Today, if you hear his voice,
  do not harden your hearts.”
8 For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken later about another day. 9 There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; 10 for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. 11 Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience.
12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence (faith), so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
I received "the peace of God that surpasses all understanding"  Philippians 4:6-7 says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with THANKSGIVING let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
You can't WALK in faith, until you experience the faithfulness of God.
Sit and wait.  Prove Him.  Persevere in hope, until He moves you from hope to faith.  He is faithful, His word is true.

SHE'S DONE IT NOW!!!!

I just finished a conversation, with a person I've known for a long time.  We talked about a lot of things- past mistakes, coincidences, psychology, the world, the galaxies, the stars patterns, things that have happened in our lives and in others lives.  But, we ended kind of on- philosophy.  We ended our conversation, with a conversation about being perceived incorrectly or misconstrued.  We talked about a relationship that I had with this other person, and how a "unintentional" situation, had turned into NOT ONLY an offense to this other person, but a false perception of mal intent OFFENSE!   I know who reads my stuff or doesn't care to. That's not important.  Something however, that IS important to me in my philosophy, is to give praise, honor or recognition to those that I have seen DO praise worthy things that may have been over looked.  Honorable situations that were not recognized as honorable. I've been rightly judged a lot in my life.  But, I have also been wrongly judged.  To be rightly judged by someone may cause us to pat our own self on the back for a second and say, "wow I deserved THAT atta boy" with pride.  But, just for a second.  Chances are, in a week or a month, it will all be forgotten.  But, let someone PERCEIVE INCORRECTLY - something done honorably to make "an uncomfortable situation" for a friend, less painful. And, then to be ACCUSED of mal intent in the situation, by the person that you have invested part of your life to... a supposed mature adult...that'll hang with you for a while.  THOSE just do!  NOBODY likes being misunderstood.  Can you imagine how our heavenly Father must feel when things go awry in our lives and we blame HIM and accuse HIM of mal intent? I'm shaking my head, but NOT because I've never done it.  I'm shaking my head because I HAVE done it! Because I THOUGHT that I knew HIS intent!  I JUDGED GOD!  And the shame nearly killed me. If you jump back several thousand years in scripture to the Garden where Adam and Eve walked with the Lord in the cool of the day......you'll find ol' slew foot (as Meemaw Boykin once referred to him in one of our conversations on life) back there in the beginning, whispering lies and planting seeds of doubt in Eve's mind, attempting to discredit and falsely accuse Holy God.  His own pride was his fall - but he blamed God.  He did not Give Honor to the Father, when ALL GLORY and ALL HONOR and ALL POWER and ALL PRAISE belong to God! They are His, He is creator, He is owner of all, it's ALL HIS!  But He CHOSE to love us- in our perfection that He created us in.  But then, man believed a lie, and LOST God's provision of friendship in the cool of the Garden with the Father. He loves us sooo much! Even with His foreknowledge of ALL things, knowing that we would falsely accuse Him of 'just trying to get even with us for our sinful pasts' or karma or some other mystical mumbo jumbo- John 3:16 For God so loved.... We sometimes- falsely accuse others, when we don't truly know the thoughts and intentions of another's heart... But we will begin to look a lot more like Jesus, when we allow the work of the Holy Spirit of God to bring us to places of pruning and maturity in our walk and growth in Christ.  Yeah, some of you just wanted to see what I've been up.  Because SOME OF YOU are nosey busybodies. Be careful who you let whisper in your ear! Well stop! I used to be you! But, I've found the most precious pearl that is WORTHY of ALL PRAISE AND GLORY AND HONOR and He gave me rest for my wearied soul and He forgave me ALL of my sins...and now He calls me daughter, bride, BELOVED, forgiven, chosen and HONORABLE. . . because He sees my heart.  And He shows me glimpses of His heart....and I cry for J O Y  John 3:16  <3  Have a blessed day IN THE LORD <3

Conversations...

Just an update for my followers who have patiently been following nothing since last year.  Thank you for your patience. 

I had completely forgotten about the blog until today!  But God.....

The Just Shall live by faith. Galatians 3:11

I know a man who routinely likes to talk with me about the Lord. I don't know him well, but he knows me well enough to know that I am good for a word of encouagement.  He genuinely strikes me as someone who desires true intimacy with the Father, so I try to encouage him.  We do not know each other well, but at some point in the past we began to share our "faith" with one another.  I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation. Rom 1:16  Thus began our familiar topic of conversation when we first met. 

In a recent conversation that we had, he asked me, "What is the good word that you have for me today?"  Then, he stopped and apologized to me.  He apologized to me for putting me on the spot!  He said that he felt that it was unfair of him to always expect that I would have a good word for him, knowing that we both live in the same world where life is not perfect & everyone has problems.  He said that he felt that it was unfair of him to place "pressure" upon me by asking me so many questions about the Bible, and my opinion on what some thing that he had read in scripture meant, every time he sees me!  What contrition! I laughed and told him not to apologize because I did in fact have a word for him regarding that very thing!  He listened intently.  I told him that when he had a chance to go and study 2 Chron 14.  I gave him a brief synopsis of the storyline & King Asa of the children of Judah.  I pointed out to him that King Asa's choice to serve the Most High God as did his father, brought blessing, prosperity, protection & rest to the land and people that he ruled, because God was watching out for them and His favor was upon them because of Asa's faithfulness to serve Him. Hebrews Chapter 11 tells us what it takes to please God. It is faith in Him.  Heb 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must first believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them who diligently seek Him.  He got so excited!  Then he declared to me, "I need what you have!"  "I want that! I need that!" "Where did you get it that I may go and get it too?"  He wanted my joy!  But, more importantly, he wanted my faith in God!  He wanted the power of God that brought boldness and dependance upon God with assurance!  What an awesome desire!

As I was speaking to Him, I got excited.  The anointing of God was upon me.  The anointing excites me!  I was so stirred up and full of  joy at God's provision for His people!  When I spoke, the power of God touched this man! And, he got excited too!  He wanted to know where I went to church and where I had received such understanding so that he may go their also.  I thanked him, then I told him that I did not attend an organized church, but fellowshipped online with a small group of likeminded believers. Then he said, "Why are the churches not teaching this?  This is powerful and people need to hear this!"  We then had another short conversation in which I explained to him about the scriptures that he had told me earlier that he was reading in Matthew 24 about the signs of Jesus's return.  This whole conversation was incredible! The entire gospel was preached to him in just a few minutes.  In just a few minutes he asked so many good questions & God through His anointing met this man with power, anointing & truth!  I did answer his question, by the way.

I am confident that we will have many other conversations, frankly.  His excitement was evident that he had "tasted of the good things to come" and his appetite for the sweetness of God was increasing.  This is what happens when we spend time in His word, and avail ourselves as vessels of His righteousness, consecrated for His good works and His good pleasure.

The Hound of Heaven

You know with all the struggles that we have had with our daughter's rebellion & getting involved with drugs and basically just running from God, I was reminded of His unfailing Love towards me 30 plus years ago.

Here's my story~

As a child I attended church with my mama. As a preteen with my Meemaw Boykin, and later as a teenager with my Daddy.
At the age of eighteen I was "convicted" of sin and went to church to "get saved". I was raised a Baptist and that's where you go when you want to get saved. I went alone that day because I felt such shame at the life that I was living. And, I didn't want to go to hell! I listened to Brother Gene's message, of the saving "grace" of Jesus Christ and waited for "the call" to accept Christ as my saviour. I had some WILD ideas about God back then. I thought that when I accepted Christ as my saviour that God would somehow just "wave" His magic God wand and that I would stop sinning! Stop laughing........ I really thought that! I AM BLOND! Okay?
I had no earthly idea what GRACE was, or what grace did. I just knew that it was a "church word", and that you needed it to get saved, period. And, that I must have it or I wouldn't have gotten "saved". I think that I believed that being "born again" meant that getting "saved" I would somehow be miraculously transformed into a "mature child of God" that did not sin. Boy, was I WRONG!
Instead, I was born a babe in Christ without a clue. Consequently, the first time that I sinned after my "salvation experience" (conviction), I felt condemned and defeated. Of course, I searched the scriptures to find out what to do next! And, not knowing any better, I found Hebrews 6:4 and thought that it was written just for me, and that it meant that "I was done for". There was no way that Holy God was going to "save" a person like me who could not stop sinning. I was toast! I condemned myself to a worldly purgatory, where I lived in a world that I did not feel a part of, yet because I was so deceived, I didn't believe that God could EVER take me back. Heaven was just somewhere that SUCCESSFUL "non-sinning" Christians got to go and have eternal life. I believed that I had committed the "unforgiveable sin" of the Bible, and that Hebrews 6:4 proved it. I was just a sinner, and done for.
For the next nine years I wandered in the dessert. I will spare you the sordid details. But, I was just trying to make the best of a "bad" situation. And, I still desired a relationship with God. I just didn't know how to get there being a sinner and all. Walking the aisle at church hadn't worked as well as I thought it would. But, I faithfully prayed "the child's prayer" every single night before I went to sleep, convinced that He could hear me and that maybe it would buy me some time until I could get "it" right, and be "good". It was the only prayer that I knew....and the last thing that I would say to God, before I said Amen, was this, "God, please don't let me die tonight because I know if I do that I am going to hell and I won't be with you." I was begging for mercy! And, when I read the Bible, nothing "clicked". I was still trying to live "under the law" of Moses, and failing miserably. I had read all the do's and don'ts of the law and the penalties of breaking just one law and saw Deuteronomy 28:15 as proof of "the curse" that I was living out. But, I hadn't given up hope of finding a "loop hole" to salvation.
But, God had "other" plans for me.
Early one morning I sat up in bed with a start! I had HEARD a loud loving, "Come!", just before awakening. And, I KNEW that it was HIM! And, I prayed, "God, I can't do this on my own in Cheyenne. There is just WAY too much temptation here. But, if you will just get me back to Texas, I can do this and I promise I will never leave you again. I will serve you and I won't mess up again!" I still thought that it was up to me, to "be good".
I eventually did get back to Texas. But, before I did, every single time that I started to "knowingly" sin, I would remember the promise that I had made to God and plead, "You gotta get me outta here!", in defeat.
After returning to Texas, I began to workout my plan to keep my promise to God. I went to school to become a nurse and I went to "church" to become a christian. That didn't work out too good for me though. I submersed myself in reading the Bible, joined every group in church that I was asked to, joined the praise team, went to every woman's conference that I was able to and then after a few years became reaquainted with a wonderfully kind man that I had known years before. After a short courtship, and some church recommended premarital counseling with a "church elder", we were married by a justice of the peace. We weren't permitted to be married in "the church" building. That wasn't "allowed", because we had both been previously married. There are sooo many other things about doctrines that I could write about right now that would explain to you why my thinking process was so messed up, but if you would just go back and read these last three paragraphs again, I think that you might figure it out for yourself, but I will save you the trouble. I was STILL trying to perform the WORKS of the law of Moses! And, ALL the while saying, "Grace, grace!" That is what I learned in "church". That is what so many people in the world see in the church, and it looks schizophrenic! It is definitely doubleminded, and the scriptures say that a doubleminded man is unstable in all his ways! I was supposed to be "born again", but I constantly struggled with doubt & disbelief! My doubt and disbelief were directly related to my salvation! I was still trying to work my way to Heaven by "being good" and going to church, but always feeling like a second class citizen. Because in comparing myself to other christians I just didn't look christian enough. I didn't have enough "name it and claim it" faith. I wasn't pure enough in my thought life and I thought, "Is THIS all there is?" Is this the best that I'm ever going to be? I took it as my cross to bear and said, "Well, fine!"
I continued on in the "church" world for some years, faithfully attending church but in my thought life I still longed for something more. Then, one day my friend Sharon came to visit and left a ministry tape with me on "the message of the cross". She had been telling me about "the grace message" for several years, but I had never bothered to pay much attention, because I thought that I had grace already. But, I didn't even understand what grace was! And, then one day while painting the baseboards of my house I thought, "Hey, now would be a good time to listen to that teaching tape that Sharon left." So, I put the tape in my player and began to listen to the teaching on what took place at the cross. I was painting right along, listening to the words of the teacher and then, I heard something that I had never heard before. I backed up the tape and began to listen again. My heart rate began to increase as I began to get excited. I hit rewind again and listened. I grabbed my Bible and opened THE WORD to the scriptures that he was referring to and not only HEARD the words, I SAW the words IT IS FINISHED! I began to cry tears of joy. I was literally UNDONE at the REVELATION of Christ's sacrifice BEING THE COMPLETED WORKS of my salvation BY GRACE THROUGH FAITH. I WAS DONE!!!! But, In a good way. I didn't have to try to be good anymore, because the Grace of God had SAVED me through faith! I had believed in the death, burial & resurrection of Christ, I had been denying the power of God to change ME! But, when I HEARD it is FINISHED in my spirit and understood by the revelation grace of God through faith, I GOT IT! HE DID IT, HE FINISHED THE WORK OF THE CROSS and I entered into His rest. Amazing!

I once heard someone refer to the Holy Spirit as the "Hound of Heaven". I was somewhat offended at their reference to "My God", in dog terms. And, I never forgot that. But, I never understood it either, until yesterday!

It just occurred to me that "the Hound of Heaven" is a "BLOODHOUND"! On the trail of the blood of Christ!

When we come into the grace of God through faith in His blood sacrifice & resurrection from the dead and accept Him as saviour, then the next step in OUR resurrection Life is the new birth! That comes through that one baptism which immerses us spiritually in Christ & we are reborn. That Hound of Heaven that I NOW see is the work of the Holy Spirit! Grace operating in a believer's life! Grace is "divine influence in the heart of the believer that is reflected in our lives!" NEW LIFE!

If a believer has missed the mark, Our Father who loves us so much SENDS out the "bloodhound" to bring us back to that GRACE when we stray from the path of His righteous working through us. He is HOT on the trail of the believer with "conviction". He is sniffing out the Blood of Christ that has been applied to our lives through the cross, and He HOUNDS with conviction to repentance & NEW LIFE through Grace! Wow I just had to share that with you because I JUST GOT IT!!!

Sweet conviction from the Lord...NOTHING sweeter than to SEE His love for us through grace.....WOW! That much fuss made over us! He goes after the one....

Now you know why my heart is encouraged in reference to our daughter. He reminded me of His long suffering towards me to bring me to UNDERSTANDING of His GRACE. And, that gives me HOPE because He goes after the one and our daughter is one on His HIT LIST!!! The Hound of Heaven is on a blood trail......Glory Be To God!!!! YOU ROCK, LORD! ♥

I had sat here, crying. I had sat here in hopelessness, despair and sorrow, grieving for my prodigal. But, you oh Lord, had other plans for me TODAY.  But, before the last post was finished posting, You sent resurrection life to ME and replaced my sorrow, with Your Joy and Your faithfulness. 

My sister Donna sent a text~ "If Jeannie comes home today, please tell her happy birthday from us!!!"

My sister Susan, received the email notification alert.  She called from her cell phone. "Barb, all I could see, because I am driving is, "Today is my daughter's 21st birthday...."  I could not speak for a moment. But, then, I read to her what I had blogged through a tight throat and tears and she brought me hope from You.  I will have to paraphrase, but this is what she gave to me, from You.

Today, I choose to throw off my sackcloth and ashes. Today, I ask that you allow me to walk in Your love and Your faithfulness. Today, Lord allow my body to be a living sacrifice as you ARE. And, allow Your grace & mercy that You intended for me today, to be poured out on my daughter for her salvation. Lord remind her today of where she came from.

Jeannie Marie. Such a beautiful name. Your name is the female form of  John, who was the beloved of Jesus. The name Marie is the name of our Lord's mother. But, you were named for the grandmother that you never knew and my favorite aunt that you did know.

Your grandmother Imogene "Jean" was orphaned at the age of three. She had a hard life, not unlike you. But, she loved. She loved her sister, Dorothy and she loved her brother, Tommy.  And, although they were raised in the same orphanage, they were apart because of their ages. She never knew the love of a mother but she rose above the hardships of her own life and became a loving mother to her own children. She was not perfect, but God used her imperfections to teach her own children humility. She was taken from this world way too soon for our likings, but her departure caused her children to seek the face of God for purpose.  It is not a coincidence that ALL of her children have come to know the saving grace of Christ. I believe that before she left this earth, that she cried out to the Lord, "Lord, please save my children."

Your great-aunt Elsie Marie, did not like her first name.  She often told me that she wished that her parents had named her Marie, first. She loved the name, Marie, as did I. Aunt Elsie Marie knew God.  She had more faith in His power and grace than anyone that I know.  She trusted God with her life, and she too left this earth sooner than I would have desired. But, in His perfect timing. Just as my mama had left to be with the Lord, God gave me Aunt Elsie, as a representative of His love through her.  I don't have a lot of memories of my mama.  But, what I have are memories of hugs and instructions for life. Mama, loved her children. I have these same memories of my Aunt Elsie. She also gave me instructions for life. She never gave up on people. Even in the face of others disapproval and scorn, she stood firm in her love for me.  She showed me His love. But, she wasn't perfect either, but the Lord that she served IS.

The whole point of this blog today, Jeannie Marie, is to remind you of the love that your daddy and I, and your brother have for you. Your FAMILY loves you.  We won't enable you to continue to live outside of God's plan and purpose, but, WE LOVE YOU. We pray for you. We ask for divine influence in your life to bring you to the cross, so that His plans and purposes for your life will be fulfilled. We have abundant grace and mercy that has been received on deposit from on High.  My prayer for you today is that it not only be a celebration of your birthday, but that TODAY you would receive, as the greatest gift of all, new birth and the resurrection life of Christ to fill the void that only He can fill.  Happy Birthday Jeannie Marie!  I hope that today, You remember your 21st birthday as "The Day that God Called My Name & Rescued Me From The Pit".

Psalms 30~1 A Psalm of David. A Song at the dedication of the Temple. I will extol thee, O LORD, for thou hast drawn me up, and hast not let my foes rejoice over me. 2 O LORD my God, I cried to thee for help, and thou hast healed me. 3 O LORD, thou hast brought up my soul from Sheol, restored me to life from among those gone down to the Pit. 4 Sing praises to the LORD, O you his saints, and give thanks to his holy name. 5 For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. 6 As for me, I said in my prosperity, "I shall never be moved." 7 By thy favor, O LORD, thou hadst established me as a strong mountain; thou didst hide thy face, I was dismayed. 8 To thee, O LORD, I cried; and to the LORD I made supplication: 9 "What profit is there in my death, if I go down to the Pit? Will the dust praise thee? Will it tell of thy faithfulness? 10 Hear, O LORD, and be gracious to me! O LORD, be thou my helper!" 11 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing; thou hast loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, 12 that my soul may praise thee and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to thee for ever.