Searching for the Pearl

As I sat in the ash and sifted for my son's high school ring that had been laying on his dresser before the fire, I had the thought, "Lord, I just wish that I could find my nursing pin."
I had EASILY spent three hours sifting through the debrie when that thought came to me. So I moved over to where my bedroom had once been and began to shovel and sift. I shoveled for what seemed like an eternity, an endless heap of nothingness. This ash had once had a purpose. It had once meant something to the family who resided here. Now, it was nothing more than an inconvenience, and stuck to everything like a magnet. I had spent considerable time sifting this area the day before and found nothing. Zip, zelch...nada. It was one of those still small voice moments.  I had the IMPRESSION that I needed to move back to the nothingness where I did not even find hope in the ash the day before.
I took my bucket, shovel and sifter to the far side of the house and began to sift again. Over and over again, I came up empty handed. Somewhere beneath this ash lay a VBMC nursing pin. My nursing pin. It probably had no value to anyone, other than the one that earned it.  And, I had earned it by the GRACE of God.
This little blue shield with the white cross in the center marked the beginning of my walk with the creator of the universe. It was the Sunday before I started nursing school, and when I graduated the following year, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I had personally received a priceless gift in this magnificent peace that had been bestowed upon me. God's hand had been on me the WHOLE time. And, even some of the time, I was aware that it had been, What a blessing, what a milestone, what an accomplishment, in Him. I KNEW I had not done this on my own! Yet, the Father began to remind me WHERE I HAD COME FROM. I thought back to the late nights, fighting with myself. KNOWING full well that an exam the next day could make me or break me! Fail one final in the accelereated program and you would be waved off base like an forced runner tagged at home plate after making it ALL around the bases. But, I was more hungry for God than I was for a nursing diploma. So ,I would pray and say," Lord help me to remember the answers for the test tomorrow, but today I want to spend with you." And, I would proceed to consume the word of God like a starving refugee. And, He was faithful, IS FAITHFUL. I graduated second in my class and also achieved the HIGHEST state board exam of any of my classmates. And, I knew why. I had the inside scoop. Because, I read in His word that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him, and I did. But, even more incredible! He showed up and changed my life, healed my broken heart, my direction and my desires. And, He turned my nothingness, my mourning, my ashes, to beauty. Here in lies the hope in the ashes.
So, I shoveled and sifted. My husband was exhausted and had his fill of the ash heap that used to be our home, so he headed back to Smithville, calling back to me, "Don't stay late, you've been here long enough for one day." But, I was a woman on a mission.
As I sifted I began to talk to the Lord. Please show me a sign that I'm digging in the right place, but nothing. But, I knew what I had heard when I was looking for my son's ring, "MOVE." And, I did. But, so far I had come up empty handed. So, I began to talk to Daddy God. "Remember the story in the Bible about buying the whole field in order to obtain the pearl of great price? As I'm digging in this ash, I bet it was kinda like digging in the ash when you found me, huh..."
As the sun began to set, I went back to the car to get my glasses.  In the diming light I was having more and more difficulty distinguishing shapes.  Then, my cell phone rang, "Barbara, it is time to come home NOW!", Shelton pled.  In the diming light, I surrendered to good sense and decided to call it quits...after one last shovel full.
As I tossed the ash towards the sifting screen, I caught a glimpse of something BLUE flying through the air and heard THE SOUND of metal hit metal. I fell to my knees and carefully began to move the ash back and forth over the screen until my fingers felt the familiar shape of the shield of VBMC School of Vocational Nursing! And, then I said, "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU, LORD!"
I laughed, I smiled and then I twirled in the ash, clutching the tiny blue scorched token of His love and faithfulness towards me. And, THEN I began to cry.
It had been almost three weeks, twenty days to be exact, since the Largest Wildfire in recorded Texas history had leveled my home, that Shelton, and John and the boys had spent five years building without a mortgage. I was thankful, joyful and exceedingly beyond anything imaginable BLESSED to tears.
I got in the car with MY pearl and began to drive back to Smithville, pausing briefly to call Shelton and share my good news. As my throat tightened, I squeaked out, "I found my nursing pin!" And, then I began to cry, sobbing  as I drove, without restraint, for the ten miles back to Smithville.  It was the first time that I had been able to cry, not just shed a few tears. CRY! SOBBING! SNOTTING! Breathlessness! And, it felt GREAT!!!! It was pure JOY, unleashed.
He was waiting on the front porch when I arrived. I was spent, but still on my euphoric high of experiencing God's touch, even in the midst of such incredible devastation.
So, if you ever wonder WHY I encourage with the words, "Nothing comes OUR way without first being filtered through the fingers of God"...and "We may not see the good in anything as devastating as this fire, BUT GOD sees the beginning from the end and HE will use it for good and already HAS in a lot of ways.  God is good, ALWAYS!!!! 
Just listen to the hundreds of stories of hope related to this fire., look at the charity this county has shown toward one another. And, thank God for little blue glimpses of hope.