My 19 y/o daughter moved home when she got out of jail at the beginning of January. She spent 30 + days there for theft and POM. You would think that "maybe" she might have learned something....maybe. She had been basically homeless before going to jail. Crashing at her friends house, stealing, doing drugs, getting tattoos, piercing her face, and leaving all traces of the Savior who redeemed her, in the dust. Not what a mother EVER wants to see in her baby girl. I don't know what messed her up. She took her turn in life and never looked back...well maybe once.
My heart breaks.
I work in corrections, so I get to see it all, including her. This makes two strikes for her. Both times misdemeanors but I know in my heart that she deserved WAY more.
When she came home from jail she was on antidepressants. This 19 year old "girl" should be starting to look like a young woman, but she doesn't. She colors her hair black, wears ugly facial loops and looks like some emo gangster. I've begged her to remove them...but they are still there. She is a knockout. I mean, strikingly beautiful. But, she doesn't see it. You can tell, by how little time she actually takes with her appearance.
I'm mad! I'm pissed off! I'm bitter! Who's to blame? Why should anyone be blamed except her?
I have a bad case of the "What IFFS".
When my children were small, I was blessed with the ability to be a stay at home mom. I went to PTA meetings, was a Cub Scout Den Mother, took my children to church and lived my life as an example of what I wanted them to become. Responsible, respectable and God loving. But, I'm not perfect. Not now, not ever. I've made mistakes in my life. Stupid mistakes that I regret to this day. But, this isn't supposed to be about me. This is supposed to be about my daughter, and my attempt to help her grow up. I know I've taught her these life lessons that she needs to be a good citizen, but for some unknown reason she has choosen not to use them. Bad choices seem to plague her.
She is super intelligent. She can do ANYTHING that she sets her mind to. She wants to go to cosmetology school and learn a trade so that she can support herself. I am all for it. But, what IF she refuses to grow up & become a responsible adult. What IF, she continues to hang around with bad associations and do drugs. What IF she continues to sneak around, lie and do those things that she was doing BEFORE. I have a headache...
I know that I was no angel. I graduated Summa Cum Laude for the School of Hard Knocks. But, I did grow up, eventually. Why can't I see past my own shortcomings to the day that she has her own epiphany??What if I were to go to bed now and wake up in the morning to, "Mom, I'm sorry for all the sleepless nights that I have caused you. Mom, please help me grow up" "Mom, I really do love you. Thank you for all your encouragement, guidance and sacrifice." Or, even just a "Mom, I'm sorry" What IFF????
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ReplyDeleteIt is a great post for all parents to read, on how our kids, for reasons only they know, make a conscious decision to do the complete opposite of what they know is right. Why......no one really knows. I was raised as a child in the fifties, as a young boy in 60's and as a young man in the 70's. Until I left home in the 70's my dad was boss, what he said went, no questions he was the law, literally, as he was a Police Officer 44 years worth. So you did your chores, you worked during your school summer break and gave money to the family. If you ran afoul of his rules, you got thumped, it made no difference the age, you got it, period. He was tough and hard as nails. However, he loved us as well, and we knew it.
ReplyDeleteI was fortunate with our son, he was raised with extremely strict guidelines. If you stay within the limits, your fine, if not, suffer the consequences of your actions. He strayed a few times, but accepted his punishment. He has done well now on his own, went to college, played college sports, became a father, became a State Trooper and now is in Border Patrol. He has two boys of his own.
I see where you are a fine parent, a loving parent and a God fearing parent how has done the best she can. Sometimes for some unknown reason our kids just veer off the path.
You just keep your faith in our Lord and Savior, and things will work themselves out, you are loved, your daughter is loved, she will figure it out, just be there and always love her.
I love your honest story, God Bless You,
Shady
Thank you so much for your wonderful comment.
ReplyDeleteShady